


Exhausting trip

by Ingi



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Avenger!Loki?, BAMF!Avengers, Bad Jokes, Crack, Gods have a lot of stamina, Humor, I don't need any more tags if you read last one, Implied Sexual Content, Implied Thorki relationship, M/M, The Avengers and Loki in a plane, This fic was first called 'weirdness', This had to happen guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-27
Updated: 2014-02-27
Packaged: 2018-01-14 00:22:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1245766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ingi/pseuds/Ingi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Avengers had to travel to Norway (yes, with Loki, because there was no way Thor would leave his brother/lover/whatever-they-were behind). At first, it didn't seem that bad. It was just a trip, some hours in a plane and it would be ended. But then, they realized...</p><p> </p><p>  <em>“But you fucked on my couch!” Tony whined.</em><br/>“And your bed will be the next if you don’t shut up!” Loki snapped.<br/>“Then I’ll send Papa Eyepatch all the videos JARVIS recorded of you two fucking, how about that?”<br/>“I’m going to blow your head up and th-…”<br/>“SHUT UP YOU TWO!” Natasha yelled.</p><p> </p><p>  <em>That was going to be exhausting.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Exhausting trip

“So… Reindeer Games” Tony called, serving himself a glass of whiskey while he was lazily spread-eagled on the black seats of his limousine. “Tell me again, why are we all getting on an airplane to Norway _together_? Oh, did I mention we’re _all together_? And that includes _you_.” He pointed him accusingly with his glass before taking a long gulp.

Loki, sitting next to the window with his arms folded, and shielded from Tony by the big muscled body of Thor, conveniently ignored the nickname.

“Because, if you recall, you lost a bet” he looked angrily at him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Reindeer Games.”

“Maybe you would if all that alcohol weren’t in your system” intervened Natasha, looking at least as angry as Loki.

“You’re just annoyed Clint isn’t coming with us. Tasha loves Clint, Tasha loves Clint…” Stark sing-sang, stirring the glass, which was immediately pierced by a dagger and broke into pieces. “Hey! I was drinking that!”

“It was not me” the Black Widow replied, finally bothering into turning around from the front seat to look at Ironman. “Mine would have pierced your head.”

“My fault” Loki admitted with a bored tone, which would have earned him a warning look from Thor, which he would have totally ignored. “I was tired of his babbling but I didn’t want to stain with his brains.”

“JARVIS, another glass!” was everything Tony said to the little device hidden on his watch. He never left his Tower without him. Who would serve him whiskey if he did? His own hands? Nay…

“At the pace you’re going, Sir, it would be better if you had the whole bottle” suggested JARVIS.

“Oh, fuck Siri, you totally read my mind” he happily replied, taking the bottle which was being handled to him. “And stop clutching your pearls, Steve. You’re being a prude, even for the century you were born in.”

Steve, sat between Tony and the window, seemed offended, but said nothing.

“So, where were we?” continued Ironman. “Oh, right! That bet Reindeer Games was talking about.” He paused to turn to Thor, offering him the bottle “Want some, Point Break? You’re quiet.”

“He’s not quiet” Loki rolled his eyes. “He fell asleep ten minutes ago.”

“We got into the limousine ten minutes ago” reminded the calm voice of Bruce from the front seat, next to the Russian.

“He’s a fast heavy sleeper.” The Trickster looked at his brother almost fondly.

“He’s lucky” mumbled Steve, look askance at Tony.

“Well, anyway…” he shrugged. “Focus, guys. The bet.”

“You were drunk and wagered with Fury you could fuck either his mother or his sister, or both of them. You forgot they are both dead.” Natasha explained.

“Oh, fuck. And…?”

“As a punishment, we have to accompany Bruce to Norway, where he’s intended to do some investigations.”

“With that guy?!” Tony whined, pointing to Loki again, this time with the almost finished bottle of whiskey.

“ _That guy_ is fucking with Thor and it seems he still loves him” Natasha replied sharply, before the Trickster could say anything. “So you should keep your tone down unless you want him to wake up and throw a tantrum because you’re bullying his ‘brother’.”

“Right” Ironman shivered. “The weirdest month of my entire life.”

“Shut up and deal with it, Stark” Loki snapped.

“But you fucked on my couch!” he whined.

“And your bed will be the next if you don’t shut up!”

“Then I’ll send Papa Eyepatch all the videos JARVIS recorded of you two fucking, how about that?”

“I’m going to blow your head up and th-…”

“SHUT UP YOU TWO!” Natasha yelled.

That was going to be _exhausting_.

································

“We have to wait how much?!” Tony exclaimed in horror, taking a hand to his chest in a dramatic gesture.

“Three hours” Steve repeated gently.

He looked tired and a bit angry too, but not even a quart Natasha was. She gave Ironman a piercing gaze. “I am not going to forget this, Stark.”

“Hey, hey, hey, hey! Wait! It’s not my fault these damn planes are so damn slow!”

“But it _is_ your fault we are not able to use any of SHIELD’s private planes, which would have taken us much less.” Bruce frowned in a way which suggested he was not happy to have to delay his investigations even more. “Weren’t eight hours in a plane enough for you? Did you really want that bad spending another three hours waiting for the plane to come?”

“Listen, buddy, I swear it was not my intention! Fury’s saying ‘motherfucker’ all the frickin’ time! How would I know _I_ wouldn’t be able to do so? I’m Ironman, for all the gods!”

“What are you swearing for us this time, Stark?” Loki asked with a smirk, Thor’s arm wrapped around his shoulder, which made Steve face take that tonality between white and red, and Tony pull a funny disgusted face.

“Oh, so you two are finally back” Natasha folded her arms, looking at them with a raised brow. “Since when going to get some snacks take that much?”

Thor shrugged and threw her a bag of crisps “We’ve never seen that Midgardian machine before, Lady Natasha. We were just wondering about its working.”

“Uh, by Midgardian machine, do you mean the vending machine?” Bruce asked with a little smile.

“Oh, I know, those things are _really_ fascinating, aren’t they?” Steve nodded, but Loki just snorted.

“No, you silly mortals. Thor meant the plane.”

“And speaking about the plane…” Natasha continued.

“Has it crashed?” the Trickster asked, almost enthusiastic, and smiled teasingly at Thor. “I told you, didn’t I?”

“No, it hasn’t crashed” she rolled her eyes. “Tony…” she nudged his arm.

“Right, right. Non-private planes seem to be a little slower… so it’s going to take some more time before it arrives here.”

“How much?” Thor wanted to know.

“Uh, like… three hours.”

“THREE HOURS?”, was the Thunderer’s reply.

“I would have preferred it had crashed”, came Loki’s hissed commentary.

“Do we really have to wait for _three hours_?” Thor whined.

“It would take less time to reach there by ridding a dwarf.”

“A _lame_ dwarf” the blond god agreed.

“A lame, blind, old dwarf.”

“Yeah, yeah, I think I got it the first time, guys” Tony groaned. “Can you two shut up nooow?”

“Can’t we go to Norway by ourselves and wait for you there?” Thor insisted.

“NO!” yelled Natasha and Tony.

“Why not?” Loki looked at them with that glare of ‘you’re pissing me off and you’ll pay for it’.

“Because we all have to suffer here” Bruce replied with a deep sigh. His laboratory equipment would be covered with dust by when they managed to get there.

“What in the Nine are we supposed to do for three hours? This place doesn’t even have a sparring ring.”

Loki seemed to think about it for some seconds and then a smile slowly formed in his lips “Hmm… I’ve a fair thought of what we could do.”

And really far from there, at the Bifrost, Heimdall recognized that look and shivered.

“Oh, really?” Thor smiled too, because he was not as stupid as many people thought.

“Really” Loki leant onto him and his smile got even wider when he saw the team’s startled gestures.

“Tell me more, brother.”

“Well, I’ve seen some clean enough bathrooms right there…”

The raven god pointing in a direction was all the Thunderer needed to start walking, dragging him with him.

“Wait!” Tony exclaimed. “What are you intending to do in the baths?”

Loki gave him a smirk, stopping Thor with a gentle squeeze of the arm “Norns, are you really that stupid? We’re going to fuck, Stark.”

“I supposed what you intended to do!!” he replied, offended. “I just wanted to make it sure, because damn… You can’t fuck for three hours!”

Thor laughed in low rumbling voice, his eyes already dark with lust “You underestimate us, Man of Iron.”

The team’s gaze followed the two gods as they disappeared into the airport’s bathroom, and then Natasha tilted her head with a thoughtful look. “I bet they _do_ spend the three hours fucking.”

“What? Not a chance, Tasha. Not even I can be fucking for that long, not even _I_!” Tony shook his head. “They’re not gonna make it.”

“I think they will” Bruce intervened, for Steve’s horror. “They are gods, after all. And if mythology is right, Thor is the God of Sex and Loki seems to have some quite big appetites too.”

“Bet?” Natasha asked, stretching out her hand.

“Bet” Bruce nodded.

“Bet” Tony confirmed, a proud look in his face.

_Tony lost._

································

“Uh, can you… can you two…?” sputtered Steve, his face with the darkest shade of red.

“Can you two occupy _two_ seats?” completed Natasha, with an annoyed look.

Loki lifted his head from Thor’s shoulder, in which he had buried his head as soon as they got into the plane (for the flight assistants and passengers in general dismay). “We are comfortable like this.”

“Well, _we_ are not.”

“And why not?” Thor asked with a puzzled look, stroking gently his brother’s back, which made him emit something like a purr.

“Because you are cradling your non-brother, the bag of cats who tried to rule over New York and killed a lot of people while it” Tony explained, a new bottle of whiskey in his hands. It would be the third or fourth of the day, he could tell. As if it mattered.

“And…?” the Thunderer still seemed not to understand and Loki obviously had no intention of helping.

“JARVIS” Tony begged. “Explain them.”

“Straddling your non-blood brother isn’t well seen in this country, Sir Laufeyson.”

“I do what I want.”

“Thor” tried Steve, giving him a pleading gaze.

He shrugged “He does what he wants.”

Loki didn’t bother hiding his smirk.

Steve looked away when the raven started kissing his brother’s neck. “Tony?”

“Yeah, Captain?”

“Do you have any whiskey left?”

“You don’t drink, buddy!”

“…I may start now.”

Tony shook his head “It seems fine to me. But damn, I’m out of whiskey? Tasha? Maybe some vodka?”

She pressed her lips together in a thin line and made a negative gesture.

Tony didn’t even bother asking Bruce. He didn’t drink, and besides, he had fallen asleep. Or perhaps, he was pretending so. What a good idea.

And then Thor started growling lowly and pulled Loki into a heated kiss, and the situation became unsupportable.

“Hey, beauty!” Tony called the stewardess. “Bring us two bottles of whiskey.”

“No, just one. I want some vodka” Natasha replied.

Tony looked at her with reproach “Both are for me!”

“No way, Stark. Step by step. Just one bottle of whiskey, and a bottle of vodka.”

“Let it be two” came Bruce’s muffled petition from under a blanket just a second after, when Thor was the one biting and sucking Loki’s neck as the raven moaned quietly.

“From whiskey or vodka, sir?” the blushed stewardess asked, as she tried really hard to pretend nothing out of the normal was happening.

“Both.”

Right then, Thor slid his hands under his brother’s clothes with no shame at all, and everybody felt the urge to look at them and away at the same time.

“That quantity of stamina is not normal” Steve whispered, covering his eyes with a sleep mask, which unfortunately didn’t prevent him from hearing the gods’ little sounds.

“You two!” called Natasha, annoyed to no end, and since they didn’t hear her, or maybe they were just ignoring her, she couldn’t be sure, she called again, louder. “YOU TWO!” The gods turned to her for a brief moment. “I’m not going to be eight damn hours watching how you grope each other.”

“They wouldn’t be eight hours, if we got tired enough to get some sleep” Loki replied harshly, although his voice trembled a little when Thor went back to sucking his neck. “But since we’re not able to fuck in the plane, because you mortals are so damn prudish, that’s not happening. Deal with it.”

“No, no, no, no, no. Wait” Tony quickly recalled, before they lost their attention again. “Let’s do something, alright? You guys can go to the bathroom cabin and fuck for eight hours, I don’t give a shit, as long as you keep out of my sight.”

Thor looked at Loki. Loki looked at Thor. “Seems legit” they both said, and it didn’t take them even a minute to get up and walk towards the bathroom cabin.

“And don’t forget to lock yourselves in!” Tony yelled. “We don’t want a demand for indecent exposure because you traumatized a little girl or a poor innocent old lady.”

The idea didn’t seem that bad, actually. But it turned to be _really_ , _really bad_ , just a while later.

“Heyyy Steve, wanna join the Mile High Club?” Tony babbled, wriggling his eyebrows, as drunk as hell.

But before he could say anything, everybody, not just in the team, but the whole plane, could hear a loud moan, which suspiciously sounded like Loki’s voice, coming from the bathrooms “Ohhh, yes. Mnnng, just like that. Hmm, _brother_.”

“Fuck” Natasha cursed, gripping the bottle of vodka as if her life depended on it.

“Fuck” Bruce agreed, before asking the flight assistant for some earplugs.

“Fuck” even Steve whispered, probably because all his blood was in his cheeks and nothing reached his brain, so he wasn’t even thinking what he was saying.

“Oh, please!” Tony groaned, taking a _looong_ gulp of whiskey. “So he _never_ calls him brother, except while they fuck! So damn kinky, guys. So damn kinky, I’m telling you.”

································

And some time later, when they finally finished (after a round of orgasms which Tony, for everybody’s dismay, was counting out loud basing on Loki’s shouts; luckily, he got bored of his little game at the third), the two gods walked to their seats… well, to their _seat_ , and simply sat there as if nothing had happened.

“Wow, guys. It took you sooo long there!” Tony whined, cradling his empty whiskey bottles with deep fondness.

“That was so small we almost got stuck together!” Loki groaned, getting comfortable on Thor’s lap.

“Yeah, we could heard you yelling for help from here” Tony laughed, and the Trickster rolled his eyes.

“When I’m less tired, I’m going to kick your ass, Man of Iron” he mumbled, before drifting into sleep in Thor’s arms (who had already passed out somewhere in the conversation).

Luckily. Because then they weren’t able to hear Tony’s next commentary “When _your_ ass stops aching, you mean!”

Natasha gave him a warning look, and when she saw it made no effect, she kicked his leg instead. _Hard_.

“Ouch!” he whined, rubbing his leg, and let fall all the bottles to the floor, and it took all the flight assistance patient (and a few more free whiskey bottles) to comfort him for the loss.

“Exhausting” Natasha muttered. “I knew it. So damn exhausting.”

**Author's Note:**

> ·Mile High Club = The term Mile High Club (or MHC) is a slang term applied collectively to individuals who have sexual intercourse while on board an aircraft.
> 
> And now Thor and Loki belong to it. Nice.


End file.
